can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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