I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
