We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize