You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
