I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and she was petting her beer can
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want a musical about memes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
