Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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