He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
