I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
