right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
