Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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