I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
