You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
