Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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