So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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