we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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