my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
