Sry I called you an 8
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
