we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize