I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she told me i tasted like america
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
