I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
