I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
