Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You dont lie about slip and slides
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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