you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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