What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
