either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
