Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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