D3 body, D1 cock
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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