I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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