You're so nebulous sometimes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
