The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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