she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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