I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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