you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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