The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and i looked up. we had an audience...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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