I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
