I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
