so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
