he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
