We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
