i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
