this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
