ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
