I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
