So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
