that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
