I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
