Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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