do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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