she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
