i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
