smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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