Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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