Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
