naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
