If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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