Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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