YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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