1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hippo gnu deer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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