before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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