Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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