do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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