I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
