I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
