I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
