there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
