the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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