she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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