Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
