If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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