Umm I'm too high to move.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
