Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
