eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
