Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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