i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
