then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
