We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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