he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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