In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
