Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
