your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
