these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
