Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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