I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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