remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
