I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
