Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
