wat bout pragnant strippers??
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
