How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Two words: nipple clamps
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