i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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