My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
