And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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