So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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