Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
