last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
