Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
