i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
