Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
